Spring in my step

As the days grow longer and the mornings brighter I find myself jumping out of bed, excited to tackle the day.  I love this time of year.  The smell of the cold fresh air and freshly cut grass.  It inspires me to write, to film, to live.
I suffer from S.A.D.  For those that are not too familiar with it, its Seasonal Affect Disorder.  Basically I hibernate for the winter.  In laymans terms I hide under a duvet as much as I can till the sun comes back out in spring.  I hate the cold dark days.  They are gloomy and dull and depressing.  And they effect me very strongly.  I find it incredibly debilitating.  Getting up and doing anything is so hard I cant even explain it to you properly.  It should be written into the Constitution that we can hibernate if we wish for those dank days.
But this time of year gives me butterflies.
You know when you go out you might still be cold.  And sometimes the sun is deceiving and it is actually much bloody colder than you dressed for but you know it will still be bright when you are heading home.
Enjoy the snowdrops popping up followed shortly by the yellow sea of daffodils as it is a sign of good times ahead.

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#DearMe

There is a topic trending on YouTube at the moment.  #DearMe, what would you tell 16 year old you.  I am going to make a video on this but thought I'd share it here also.

#DEARME

Dear 16 year old Carolann, if only you could hear this.  You would know that the world is what you make of it.  You will not always be unhappy and scared.  You will go through some amount of crap, but you will stand strong through it all.  

Cherish relationships, you never know when they will end.  

Don't stay angry.  Anger is a waste of time and Energy.  You will regret it later.  And things that seem so big to you now suddenly don't seem so nasty.  

Your mam and dad are only human.  There will come a day in the not so distant future when they will not be around.  You wont get a chance to ask them questions like 'where did your name come from?' or were you like your own children as a baby.  They both die very young and with regrets.  Don't let that be you.  Thankfully you get the opportunity to make amends with them both.  But it doesn't feel long enough and you will regret that.  

Your siblings are your first and best friends.  You would be lost without them so don't let them piss you off too much.  There will come a day when you don't see them enough.

You end up with your soul mate.  He will stand by you through the hardest of times, and you will do the same for him.  You will be happy and content, madly in love and feel very lucky.  So enjoy being single while you can cause it too is a flipping good time.

Kiss your babies every chance you get.  They are wonderful little humans who grow up far too quickly.

Don't sweat the small stuff.  This turns out to be your moto when you are in your 30's.  And its a sensible one. 

The grass is not greener on the other side.  Its all the same colour, its just what you do with the grass that matters.

Hair grows back so don't be afraid to experiment with it while you are young.  It might save you doing it in your 30's and people think you are having an early mid-life crisis.

Last but not least you're actually pretty alright.  Learn to live in your own skin and be proud of who you are.  

Sleep. A feast or a famine

I believe as a baby I wasn't the greatest fan of sleep.  I was always on the go, bouncing on the bed till all hours of the night and I was always up waiting for the telly to start at 6am.  Remember those days.  I remember sitting on the back of the couch, it felt so huge like a throne or something, looking out the window watching the sky slowly brighten up and loving every solitary second of it.  I didnt need sleep much to my parents dislike.  There was always a drawer to go routing in and food presses to be raided, siblings toys to be played with in peace, songs to be made up without interruption, in a nutshell Life to be Lived.
Then I hit the teenage years and I could have slept for Ireland.  Bed was the best place ever.  Laying in all day Saturday knowing the busy world was going on and I had no more interested in participating whatsoever.
Even my first jobs were night time jobs, Theater and Nightclub work for example and I adored every tiny late night and late morning second of it.  I could go a winter week not seeing any daylight at all.
Daytime work arrived and I detested getting up in the morning.  Never really settling into normal working hours.  I had the ability to go go go for days/nights with little sleep.  Working hard and playing harder.  But on my days off I was OFF literally.  I could sleep from the time I arrived home till I had to leave the house for work again.  So this was the pattern I developed.  It was either all on or all off.  No middle ground.
As a parent of a tiny baby this kind of suits you.  Except there is never any off ever.  But the go go go and cat napping to keep you going lifestyle suited me to a point.  The point probably being when my baby turned about 2, slept through the night and started to cut out naps during the day.
Again I was back to being expected to keep normal working hours and I struggled.  I would struggle out of the bed and get the smallies ready for school and out the door.  I would then require breakfast and a nap before I could pick them up and go again.  We would get a snack, do homework and snuggle on the couch for a nap/bonding sesh before the dinner hour began.  Then I could nearly cry if they were up past their bed time.  Daytime naps were my friend and bedtime was my Bestie.
Now I find myself bright eyed and bushy tailed day and night.  Jump up off the couch after a possible two hour kip in the morning as bed was pointless.  March the kids to school without a yawn, head to the shops or up the town or meet a friend for coffee, arrive home and potter before collecting smallies and getting into the evening routine.  They'd go to bed and I would have a list of telly downloaded and ready to go knowing my brain was yet again going to refuse to switch off.
I had a conversation with my 7yr old about it "Mammy isnt sleeping very well at the minute".  "Ah are you ok Mam".  "Yes Doll", I said, "my brain just wont switch off, I cant even have a nap during the day" to which her reply was "OH MY GOD MAMMY, DID YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR"

I sit here now watching total bull on the telly not sleepy at all.  Mind racing and legs twitching.  But its coming, I know.  The crash, and the cycle begins again...

Once a Mother, Always a Mother

SHORT STORY

ONCE A MOTHER, ALWAYS A MOTHER

As I sat at the kitchen table in my new open plan apartment I enjoy the smell of fresh coffee, paint and varnish and the pristine look of the virgin couch.  The cushions all perfectly aligned, not yet ruined by the unforgiving imprint of a human butt-cheek.   I hear mild mumblings from the apartment below and the hum of their television.  I was never to have the television on permanently.  The constant drone grated on me.  I turn on the tv to watch Masterchef Ireland and Room to Improve and that is it.  No reality tv bullcrap, no soaps.   If I can’t take away a recipe or a home decorating idea, i’m not interested.  

Cooking for one is new, different, interesting.  I don’t make enough and am left hungry for a snack.  So I pour my coffee and walk past the beautiful white marble countertop, the new dark oak kitchen table to my brand new couch.  I stop for a moment standing over the coffee table, grabbing a coaster for my cream and red Louis Mulcahy mug and open a small bag of Thornton chocolates. This was the first time in years there were no rings on my coffee table and I planned to keep it that way. I pause before I sit.  Enjoying for one tiny last second the beauty of the uncrumpled couch.   I pick up my Kobo Glo to read the latest Bridget Jones book and settle in for the evening.  

Just as I am approaching the end of Part 1 there is a knock at the door.  Its Katie my sister with a bottle of bubbly to celebrate my first night in my new home.  Its so good to be living near her again after years of being in different Counties.  She was my rock in helping me decorate the place.  It has been forever since I decorated and  didn’t take children into account.  Mine were all grown up now, Steven, my eldest working in America as a Computer Game Designer and the two girls Amy and Lucy traveling around Australia together.

She popped open the bottle and I grabbed two Champagne Flutes from the beautifully lit white kitchen press.  We toasted to new homes, new beginnings and living close.  

She didn’t stay long as Derek was at home with the Twins but she couldn’t resist popping in Because she could.

It had been a busy day so after she left, I washed and put away the mug and glasses, threw out the dark chocolate wrapper from the chocolate Clare and I finished over our bubbles, picked up the Kobo and headed to bed.  I had half closed my bedroom door when I re opened it to turn off the hall light as there was no need for it anymore.  Old habits die hard.  After washing my face and brushing my teeth in my all white en-suite bathroom I snuggled down in my brand new sheets and continued reading.  I couldn’t concentrate.  I wasn’t sure if it was all the new smells, the unfamiliar bed or the bubbles but my mind was racing.  Suddenly I started to cry.  I should be happy.  I have this beautiful new home, my sister close again, but it wasn’t the same, not without them..

Syn City

Ok, so I am going to list below what I ate today, then I'm going to find out the syn values, and then I'm going to faint lol..

10 Biscuits 25
30 Jellies 30
2 Slices of Rice Crispie Cake 10
1 Packet of chicketees 6.5
I slice of sponge cake with icing 4.5
Chipper chips with kebab meat and mayo 30
5 Slices of white bread 15
1 glass of fizzy 5

That is 126 syns today only.  And I thought I was being good.  That isnt half what I would have ate at a party this time last year.
Holy Crap... ...

My SlimmingWorld Story

So I've just set up a Facebook page and a YouTube Channel to document my SlimmingWorld Journey.  I have been speaking to so many people lately who have found this to be an amazing path to weight loss and a healthier lifestyle.  I am passionate in my responses to these people because I am passionate about this concept.  Its focus is on healthy eating, not restrictive eating.  Its foundation is do what you can today, and start fresh tomorrow.  And for me, even in extremely tough times, it has been do-able.  I know it wont be right for everyone, but given how well it worked for me, and is still working today and everyday, I thought I would share my journey with you all.

I was never hugely over weight and it wasnt until I lost the weight did some people see how much I had put on.  My numbers crept up slowly after baby no. 2 and no. 3 who were 18 months apart.  And after my dad got diagnosed with cancer my numbers learnt to jog.  With bad news came bad binges.  I felt at the time I was dealing well with the situation outwardly.  But I ate myself sane some days I swear.  And it wouldnt even be real food.  The junkier the food, the better it tasted, the more I wanted.

In the summer of 2013 we had two family weddings.  And I had vowed to lose the weight for both.  But thats when the numberes learned to run.  And the less I tried to eat the more I ate.  It was a vicious circle that was making me dizzy.  In the end, I gave in and allowed myself some time to just be.  But after my dad passed away on New Years Eve I decided I didnt want to start a new year like this either.  Now from this moment to the day I walked through the doors of SlimmingWorld there were a few weeks of non stop scoff.  It was like I was eating as much junk as I could before it was banned for life.  But if only I knew then what I know now...

First and Foremost the plan worked for me.  My switch in my head that said I was ready to do this and do it right had flicked.  And I was at the starting line ready to go.  But, bare in mind that 18 months previous I had ventured into a SlimmingWorld meeting and scoffed and joked that the scales were rigged.  No way were people losing as much as they said by eating what they said they ate.  No way on gods green earth was it true.  But I wasnt ready.  Food was a comfy blankey and I was afraid that I was being lured into something untoward only to be told in week two that I couldnt eat anything anymore.
Second of all, the support that I got from my group every week is priceless.  Honestly, without them I would not have reached my target weight.  Between just listening, sharing stories, sharing recipies and having a right good giggle, which never did anybody any harm at all, they were all fab and I dont think they will ever know the part they played.
Thirdly of all it changed my family life for the better.  Because I was eating better I was feeling better which obviously benefits everybody, lets face it.  And because I was eating better my hubbie was eating better which meant he looked better.  And because I was eating better my children were eating better and learning much better eating habits which will stand to them every day.  And for all of this I am grateful.

I have since decided to share my journey because if one person benefits from it I will be happy.  I will be documenting my days with a food vlog on youtube and pics and chats on my facebook page.  Please come and take a look and subscribe if you like it.  And feel free to like and share my Facebook page.  Thanks xcx

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgdQDQScmxw31u-YV_yzuCQ

https://www.facebook.com/cazslimmingworldvlogz